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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25275139">in memoriam</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecklessWriter/pseuds/RecklessWriter'>RecklessWriter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Itachi Deserved Better, One Shot, Sasuke Deserved Better, because sasuke truly loves his wife and daughter, but slightly anti-konoha, not anti-sasusaku, so did team taka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:35:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,314</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25275139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecklessWriter/pseuds/RecklessWriter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The slashed headband Sasuke gives to Boruto is his own. The one he keeps at his hip is Itachi’s.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Uchiha Itachi &amp; Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sarada &amp; Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke &amp; Team Hebi | Team Taka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>346</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Restless Wonders</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in memoriam</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>you guys want another random one shot that popped into my brain out of nowhere? sure, i'm happy to oblige.</p><p>This is mostly inspired by how Sasuke keeps his old headband at his waist in Boruto. It made me wonder about what ever happened to Itachi's headband, and how his and Sasuke's look exactly the same. As the tags say, this is not anti Sakura or Sarada. Sasuke loves his family. But it is slightly anti-Konoha, just in case some of you might not like that.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The slashed headband Sasuke gives to Boruto is his own. The one he keeps at his hip is Itachi’s.</p><p>He feels nothing as he passes his old hitai-ate off, except maybe a flash of pride in his student. Boruto ties it around his head, his mouth forming a confident grin identical to Naruto's, and Sasuke can’t help thinking that he wears it better than Sasuke ever did.</p><p>The headband isn’t his anymore, after all. And it hasn’t felt like his for much longer.</p><p>The nearly-identical one hanging from his hip, however—this one he refuses to part with. He clips it to his belt each morning, hiding it beneath the folds of his cloak.</p><p>For the past sixteen years, everyone has always assumed that the hitai-ate belongs to him. Sasuke has never bothered to correct them.</p><p>(Why would he carry around a memento of <em>Clan Killer Itachi</em>, after all.)</p><p>It isn’t surprising that they should make this assumption. It’s what is expected of him, isn’t it? He is a former criminal—a former traitor. They are all too willing to see him as a man who threw himself at the Hokage’s feet and begged for forgiveness—to see the headband as a reminder of his guilt.</p><p>They are partially right. The headband is a reminder—but not of his remorse, and not of his penance.</p><p>It’s a reminder of his <em>rage</em>.</p><p>Sasuke truly loves his family with all his heart. He loves the strong and independent woman his wife has grown into, feels unsurmountable sorrow at all the pain he put her through. He loves his daughter, more than he’s ever loved <em>anything</em>, who has inherited all of his best traits and none of his worst. He feels pride when he looks at the Uchiha crest on their backs—proof of the life he managed to build from the ashes.</p><p>He’ll die for them. More than that, he’ll <em>live</em> for them, which is more than Itachi was willing to do.</p><p>But <em>Konoha</em>—</p><p>Each morning, Sasuke rises from his bed and he clips his brother’s hitai-ate to his belt. And as he walks the streets of the place where no one is allowed to know the truth, he lets it serve as a reminder, even if no one else knows what for.</p><p>History may forget, but Sasuke never will.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>In the aftermath, when Madara has finally left, Sasuke sits motionless against the wall as the candle burns down to its wax.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His wrists and ankles are rubbed raw where the ropes chafed against his skin, and his chakra is still utterly depleted. He’s covered in dirt and dried blood, and his clothes are in tatters.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There’s a bruise on his arm in the shape of fingers. Sasuke pushes on it, feeling the phantom sensation of Itachi’s fingers pressing bruises into his skin.</em>
</p><p>He couldn’t bring himself to kill his younger brother.</p><p>
  <em>The words are like senbon in his brain. He would flinch if he had the energy.</em>
</p><p>Forgive me, Sasuke. But this is it.</p><p>
  <em>He stares at the ground, his vision blurring. He can feel the two fingers against his forehead, dragging down his face. He feels hollow. Numb.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kakashi was right—after revenge, there is nothing but emptiness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Time fades out. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, but he sees the sun’s rays rise and fall through the small window, so it must be over a day. He doesn’t move. Madara comes into the room once, leaning against the wall and staring at him behind the mask. He doesn’t speak and neither does Sasuke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>At some point, a fraction of the world decides to filter back in. He can hear Team Hebi outside the room, speaking in hushed, worried tones they mistakenly believe are low enough for him not to hear. Their voices fade in and out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“…going to stay in there? It’s been two days.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Give him time, Suigetsu. It’s not…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“…go and talk to him?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t think…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Their voices fall away. Once again, there is nothing. He is cold and numb and empty, and he is terrified of when he begins to feel things again. He doesn’t want to feel anything ever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The anger will come, eventually. Sasuke knows that it will. But for now, nothing exists. Nothing matters.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Itachi is dead. Sasuke killed him. There was never supposed to be an after.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s a long time after—or maybe it’s a short time—when Sasuke hears a pair of soft yet heavy footsteps enter the room. He recognizes who they belong to, but he doesn’t look up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Juugo crouches down in front of him, his expression wary. “Sasuke?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke doesn’t respond, just stares down at the slightly-blurred ground in front of him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Madara told us everything,” Juugo says. “Sasuke, I’m so sorry. But you need to get up. You need to eat something, at least.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The thought of food causes his stomach to roll. He presses his lips together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Leave,” Sasuke tells him. It’s the first word he’s spoken since learning the truth. “I don’t want you here. I don’t want any of you here. Hebi is done.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Juugo doesn’t flinch away at the words. His eyes are filled with a deep concern.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We aren’t going anywhere,” he says. “Whenever you decide to come out, we’ll be there.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke doesn’t respond. Juugo's hand brushes his shoulder as he stands up to leave the room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the third day, Sasuke finally emerges. He demands Itachi’s body to build a pyre.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Sensei?”</p><p>Sasuke gives Boruto a strange look at the title. Despite being his student for over a month now, the boy has never addressed him as sensei.</p><p>“What?” he asks.</p><p>Boruto points with his thumb to the hitai-ate on his own head. “Why does your headband have a slash on it, anyway?”</p><p>The two of them are standing on the training grounds, and Sasuke just finished demonstrating a particularly complex shuriken technique. The afternoon sun is blazing above their heads.</p><p>Sasuke, having no inclination to discuss personal matters, considers ignoring the kid. But his defection is public knowledge, and all it would take for Boruto to learn about it would be asking the right question to the right person.</p><p>“I betrayed Konoha,” Sasuke tells him bluntly.</p><p>Boruto gapes at him in a fashion much like his father. “<em>Huh</em>?”</p><p>“I was a missing-nin. I tried to destroy the village.”</p><p>Quite frankly, Sasuke is surprised he hasn’t heard about it. Half of Konoha paints him as a hero of the Fourth Shinobi World War, a savior of the ninja world—but the other half still paints him as a villain no better than Madara.</p><p>If Boruto did know the worst of his history, Sasuke doubts he would still hold his current hero worship of him. There are far better people for him to be emulating.</p><p>Boruto is stunned. Sasuke weighs the shuriken in his hand and flicks it to the right. The wind curves it thirty degrees, and it hits the center target.</p><p>The kid clearly has questions. Sasuke can practically see them trying to burst from his lips. But he knows how to tell when a subject is <em>off limits</em>, so he wisely swallows them.</p><p>(Sasuke predicts he’ll be bombarding Naruto with them later.)</p><p>“If this is your headband,” Boruto says, raising his hand to it and placing his fingers over the scratch, “then who does the one on your belt belong to?”</p><p>Sasuke glances down. Itachi’s hitai-ate is hidden beneath the folds of his cloak, but Boruto must have managed to catch a glimpse of it at some point.</p><p>“I thought that one was yours,” the genin says.</p><p>“Most people do.”</p><p>“Whose is it, then?”</p><p>Sixteen years later, the memory of Itachi’s fingers against his forehead is just as vivid. He recalls the smoke in his lungs and the terror in his heart, the curve of his brother’s lips as he slowly <em>fell</em>—</p><p>He recalls the taste of rain on his lips, washing away the blood.</p><p>“It’s no one's,” Sasuke says, because the truth is something that isn’t allowed. “Just a memory.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sasuke builds the pyre all by himself. His teammates offer their assistance—even Suigetsu is uncharacteristically genuine—but he refuses them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He is the one who killed Itachi. It shall be him who puts his soul to rest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stacks the logs and wood himself, dragging them from the forest and into the clearing outside of the hideout. This isn’t the first time he’s done this, and by the time he’s finished, he’s sweaty and dirty, his hands filled with splinters.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Madara gives him Itachi’s body, but not before taking the eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’ll change your mind about wanting them one day,” he says.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There’s a numbness in his heart that hasn’t waned. Sasuke pushes his brother’s bloody body onto the pyre and sets it ablaze. He wishes, for a moment, that it was him burning inside of the flames—because at least then maybe he would feel something.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Something other than this unbearable emptiness in his chest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sinks down onto the ground as the flames rise into the evening sky. His Sharingan is activated, locking the sight in his memory forever. He pulls his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on the top of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke doesn’t know how he feels about Itachi now. But he deserves to be put to rest, just like the rest of their family.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“In peace may you leave the shore,” he intones quietly. “In love may she welcome you into her arms.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His voice cracks over the words. He blinks the pressure in his eyes away, as he hears three pairs of footsteps approach him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That’s beautiful,” Suigetsu says, in a tone unlike him. “What does it mean?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke doesn’t pull his gaze from the pyre as he responds. “It’s a tradition. You wouldn’t understand.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For a long time, neither of them speaks. Sasuke stares into the flames, his eyes burning from the smoke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karin steps forward uncertainly, her hand reaching down to touch his shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karin nods, her hand dropping from his shoulder. “Okay. Do… do you want to be alone?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke bites his tongue, something clawing at his chest. His vision blurs with tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There’s a silence, and then he hears as they sink to the ground beside him. Karin’s shoulder presses into his, her hair briefly brushing his cheek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay,” she says quietly. “Then we’ll stay with you. Until the fire dies out.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The four of them sit there until morning, not speaking a single word.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Naruto is the second one to call attention to the headband hanging at his hip—one of the few people who knows that the hitai-ate can’t be his.</p><p>It’s a couple weeks after the attack during the Chuunin Exams (<em>why is it always the Chuunin Exams?</em>), and Sasuke is finally leaving on another mission. He meets Naruto in his office before he leaves.</p><p>“This one should only take you a month or two,” Naruto says. “So you should make it back for Sarada's birthday this time.”</p><p>Sasuke takes the scroll from his hands. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”</p><p>As he moves his cloak aside to tuck the scroll into his belt, Naruto’s eyes catch on the object hanging at his waist before it’s once again hidden from sight. Blue eyes flash with confusion.</p><p>“Is that your genin headband? I thought you gave that to Boruto.”</p><p>Sasuke stiffens, looking down. He makes sure the headband is hidden before looking up. “I did. This one isn’t mine.”</p><p>Naruto doesn’t seem to notice how guarded his expression has suddenly become. “Really? But that’s the one you’ve been wearing for years! It has the same exact scratch on it and everything!”</p><p>Sasuke grinds his teeth. “It’s not mine. It’s never been mine.”</p><p>“But then… who does it belong to, then?”</p><p>Sasuke’s jaw tightens and he looks up. He gives Naruto a significant look, and slowly, realization dawns on his face.</p><p>“…Oh,” he says, that one syllable heavy with a thousand things unsaid.</p><p>“Yeah,” Sasuke replies, a touch more venom in his voice than he intended. “<em>Oh</em>.”</p><p>Naruto’s tired face is now lined with guilt. A part of Sasuke wants to apologize, but he bites his tongue to hold it back.</p><p>“I didn’t know you kept that,” Naruto says. “All these years… his is the one you’ve been wearing? Not yours?”</p><p>“I won’t forget him. I won’t forget what he died for.”</p><p>Naruto winces. Sasuke refuses to feel bad about his harsh tone.</p><p>“He deserves better,” Sasuke says.</p><p>That’s the reason why, even after sixteen years, he cannot put him down. Cannot put away the memory of him, choosing instead to carry it around with him wherever he goes.</p><p>Itachi is a scar carved forever on his soul. But he’d rather feel that pain everyday than <em>ever</em> forget he existed.</p><p>Naruto's blue eyes are shining with the weight of his guilt. Sasuke loves his best friend, but sometimes, he can’t stand to look at him. Because Naruto has the power to wipe the blood from his brother’s name, to tell the <em>truth</em>, and yet—</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Naruto tells him. “I wish—"</p><p>“<em>Don’t</em>,” Sasuke says. “Your apologies are worthless when you don’t intend to change anything.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>After he kills Danzo, after he reunites with his old team, after he stabs Karin through the chest—Sasuke returns to the Akatsuki hideout a shaking mess.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His hands shake at his sides as he paces back and forth. There’s a vortex in his head, an empty, gaping place, and his mind is collapsing into pieces, all of them falling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All he can see is the blood falling from Karin’s mouth. All he can hear are Danzo’s words. Naruto’s gaze. Kakashi’s voice. Something is wrapping around his heart, strangling him—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke chokes as he tries to breathe. He twists his hands into his hair, pulling, but his head is too fucking loud. He can’t think—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karin’s body is falling to the ground. Sakura is staring at him with tears in her eyes. Itachi—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Itachi is reaching out with two fingers, is smiling as he falls. He’s sitting with him on the porch, is positioning his fingers on a shuriken, is holding him on his back, is reaching down to ruffle his hair—</em>
</p><p>I’m always going to be there for you,<em> he says, and lifeless eyes are staring up at the sky—</em></p><p>
  <em>Sasuke’s Akatsuki cloak is in tatters. Feeling suffocated by it, he rips it off, throwing it into the corner.</em>
</p><p>Forgive me, Sasuke.</p><p>
  <em>There’s dried blood on his hands, and he doesn’t know who it belongs to. The samurai at the Five Kage Summit, Danzo, Karin, Naruto, Kakashi—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe some of it is still Itachi’s. Maybe he didn’t scrub under his nails enough—</em>
</p><p><em>All he can see is Danzo’s face, his hand around the hilt of Sasuke’s sword. </em>Why did you feel it was necessary to let this filth live, Itachi?</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke gasps. There’s a madness in his head, curling around his thoughts and clawing at his brain. Everything inside of him hurts, hurts, hurts, and it feels like his heart is about to break from all the feelings ripping at it—</em>
</p><p>To him, your life was even more precious than the village.</p><p><em>Sasuke falls to his knees and sobs. The sound echoes brokenly in the empty room, and it’s followed by another and another. Everything hurts so </em>much<em>, and he wants it to </em>stop,<em> why won’t it just</em> stop<em>—</em></p><p>
  <em>Sasuke presses a hand to his mouth. His eyes are burning with the Mangekyou, and there’s blood on his lips.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wants his brother. He just wants his brother—</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“Papa,” Sarada says to him, at least once every time he comes home, “What happened to our clan?”</p><p>Every time, Sasuke looks into her dark eyes, the shape of them just like his mother’s, and he gets a lump in his throat. His own love strangles him, and he can’t bear to darken the innocence on her face.</p><p>So each time, he reaches forward, poking her forehead with two of his fingers.</p><p>“Sorry, Sarada. I’ll tell you when you’re older.”</p><p>He knows he’ll have to tell her eventually—just as he knows he’ll never consider her old enough. No matter how much time passes, she’ll still be that little girl he held in his arms for the first time.</p><p>The first time he understood Itachi’s feelings—how he’d been willing to sacrifice <em>everything</em> just to protect <em>one person</em>.</p><p>(<em>I will love you always.</em>)</p><p>Sasuke sits on the bed in his and Sakura’s room. Itachi’s headband is in his hands, and he runs his fingers gently over the scratch.</p><p><em>I’m sorry,</em> he thinks, feeling the guilt burn in his throat. <em>I’m sorry no one knows the truth. I would shout it from the rooftops if I could.</em></p><p>“Papa?”</p><p>Sasuke looks up. Sarada is shifting her feet nervously in the doorway, staring at the hitai-ate in his hands. Her gaze rises to look at him.</p><p>“Can I come in?” she asks.</p><p>Sasuke nods, wordlessly giving her permission to breach the room’s barriers. She walks over to him, sitting down gingerly on the mattress next to him. She looks down at the object in his hands.</p><p>“Who did it belong to?” she asks. He looks up at her in question, and she explains, “Boruto told me it wasn’t yours. He asked me whose it was, but I told him I didn’t know.”</p><p>Sasuke’s lips twitch subtly. “That brat needs to mind his own business.”</p><p>He stares down at the headband. The scratch is a bit wider than the one on Sasuke’s headband—deeper and more jagged. Made from a kunai. Sasuke imagines a thirteen-year-old Itachi, kneeling before the Akatsuki and swearing his allegiance—</p><p>“Does it have something to do with our family?” Sarada asks. Her eyes harden, and for a breathtaking moment, they resemble Itachi’s more than they do his. “I’m old enough to know now, Papa.”</p><p>Sasuke stares at her. He isn’t supposed to talk about it—to tell anyone. The truth isn’t meant to be spoken about, is supposed to be kept <em>buried</em>, as was one of the conditions for him being pardoned. But suddenly—</p><p>Sasuke doesn’t care. Itachi doesn’t deserve this—and Sarada deserves to know who he was.</p><p>“You are,” he agrees. “You’re old enough to know.”</p><p>Surprise passes over her face, before her expression settles. “Tell me,” she says.</p><p>He passes the headband to her, and she takes it with careful hands. Even before learning the story, she knows that it’s something precious.</p><p>“His name was Itachi Uchiha,” Sasuke begins. It’s the first time he’s spoken the name out loud in years. “He was your uncle.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Afterward, once the war is over and the bodies are being collected, Karin approaches him with something in her hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Here,” she says, holding it out. “I thought you might want this.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke’s breath catches in his throat. Itachi’s slashed hitai-ate is laying in her open palms. The last time he saw it was in the Akatsuki hideout, laying on the counter next to his ring and the burning candle.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“When did you—”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I took it before we went to kill Danzo,” she tells him. “I thought you might want to keep it after. But then everything happened, and I never had a chance to give it to you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke’s throat burns. He doesn’t know what to say. He stabbed her in the chest, and still she did this for him. He thought everything of his brother’s had been lost. That he would have nothing left—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sasuke reaches out a shaking hand. He takes the hitai-ate from her reverently.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you,” he whispers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tears sting at his eyes. Sasuke forces the pressure back. He clips the headband to his belt, letting it hang at his waist.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It stays there for sixteen years.</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
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